Self Pity

"Self pity is one of the most destructive of defects; it will drain us of all positive energy. We focus on anything that isn't going our way and ignore all the beauty in our lives."

Basic Text, page 77

In today's entry in Day By Day it talks about avoiding pity. Pity is basically feeling sorry for someone else or ourselves. Pity does not help. Oh sure, it makes us feel as if though we are showing love, but that is not love.

"Coming into the fellowship, newcomers may see older members as unsympathetic, unsupportive, or even rude. Old timers don't mince words with newcomers who aren't ready to stop using...."

Day By Day

I have been a newcomer, and some would consider me an oldtimer -- I have six years. I have plenty of excuses to feel sorry for myself, but that would mean living in the past. My life today is alright. I have everything I need for now. Just because I am powerless over my addiction, it does not mean I am powerless over me. I can change the way I feel. It's a bit like driving a boat, we won't change directions instantaneously, but we will change directions.

In today's entry it says that self pity will lead back to using. We feel sorry for ourselves (usually over something in the past) and thus feel bad. Most people use because they don't want to feel bad. I know that there's always someone out there who has it or has had it worse then me. Self pity is a powerful excuse for using.... We must not use, therefore, we should not feel sorry for ourselves.

I've found newcomers can come up with an endless chain of excuses for using if they really want to.

I don't listen to that for long. I'm not uncompassionate. I will listen to real problems someone has if they aren't using that as an excuse to use drugs.

There are no good reasons to use drugs. There is no pain we can feel that will not be made worse by using them. Rape, death, destruction, etc. is not a good reason to use. Drugs do not help us cope with violence and death. They just make us feel more sorry for ourselves.

We can take action to make our lives better. We can change our perceptions. Honesty, willingness, and open mindedness will get us out of the rut of self pity. We don't have to put up with bad circumstances 98% of the time. And even if we are in bad circumstances and can't leave, we can change our perceptions to make the experience more positive. If we live in the moment and look around us, we will see some beauty. Most of us have at least one good friend to be thankful for. Very rarely is it all bad. But, it takes faith to be open minded enough to take in the beauty around us. Fear will keep us stuck in bad circumstances, but we have to be willing to change them in spite of being afraid. Courage and self pity cannot co-exist.

If we are honest with ourselves, we will see what we have done (or not done) to contribute to our present circumstances -- if they are negative and with faith we can change them for the better. If we are honest with ourselves, we will be able to see what we have done right in the past.

It's easier to feel sorry for ourselves when others feel sorry for us. That is why old timers can seem somewhat harsh when we are complaining about circumstances and using excuses to use. We don't want you to use drugs, because quite frankly, they kill people and turn people into pompous asses.

Living in the moment can cure self pity, too. We don't want to be drug down into the past if it wasn't so great. We probably aren't there anymore, so why dwell there?