Self-righteousness

I've been tossing around the concept of self-righteousness as a topic to write on for a few days. A friend suggested I write about it, and so I am doing just that.

The first time I ever heard this term was when I was with my ex husband before we got married. He called me "self righteous." I've since had a few abusive types refer to me as being the type who always had to be right.

A person who is self righteous is "confident of one's own righteousness, esp. when smugly moralistic and intolerant of the opinions and behavior of others." according to the Random House dictionary. It sounds like such a person is an emotional bully, to me. I don't think the term really applied to me, but it sure seems like, looking back, that it applied to the abusive men who accused me of being self righteous.

It seems to me too, that a lot of people who belong to organized religion are the self righteous type. Personally I believe all rivers run to the sea. Notice, I did not say all people who belong to a religion are that way, just some of them. There are people in NA and AA who are like that too. People who seem to believe only the Big Book or the Basic Text have the answers to all of life's problems. And they are the experts on those books....

In order to recover, we must be open minded. I've always striven to be open minded and tolerant. I don't always have to be right, but I AM careful that what I say is based on facts. I am willing to learn. Abusive men don't have much to teach us, and I suppose I was a little closed minded to their weird ideas of what a woman's place is. If anything, I've been too tolerant of men like that. I've had to be careful to not let those negative experiences color my perceptions of the whole of humanity. I've had to maintain my urge to be tolerant and understanding of others, while at the same time, becoming less tolerant of abuse towards me.

I'm not afraid to say "I don't know" or admit when someone else is right.