The Work Of Adult Life

“The work of adult life is this: to become spiritually centered”

today's Keep It Simple entry

I never looked at life this way. I'd always considered my journey toward enlightenment a hobby rather then a duty. I read whatever I can get my hands on that could expand my mind. I meditate daily. I ground and center, especially when I'm anxious. I know that sometimes we do attract to us what we think about. Some things, however, are random - like rape. We can't control others, especially merely with our thoughts. We are sharing this world with many many other people. We have to pretty much stay out of each other's way. One thing I always came back to was love.

It started when I was a kid and seeking love and approval from my folks and siblings. It seemed like such a rare commodity in my family. Before I had even heard of Martin Luther King Jr., I came to the conclusion that violence solves nothing. I knew when my stepdad was violent with me, it solved nothing and contrary to what he said - it did hurt me more then it hurt him. I learned about hate and learned to squelch it for years. I didn't believe in hate for a long long time. Makes me wonder if my suppressed hatred for violence towards females by men caused my depression. For awhile I hated myself, but my refusal to believe in hate led me out of that trap.

My search for spiritual growth has lead down many different roads. I was very curious about my adopted mother's people - she is half Native American of unknown tribal origins. So as soon as I was able to, I began reading a lot of material about and by Native Americans. I studied the spiritual meanings of various animals. I knew there had to be an alternative to the Lutheran church that more or less told me I was going to end up in Hell if I ever lied. See, I knew my biological mother was NOT in hell, and it was very unlikely, in my eyes, that she never lied. They also treated me like a demon child for pointing out the flaws in stories of the Bible, too. My questions were brushed off. I had to get away from that church.... I also learned about smudging, and other things.

My adopted mom was into Buddhism. She kept a few Buddha statues around our house. She taught me some things. She told me that I could rub Buddhas belly for luck. She also told me that the rainbow was God's promise never to flood the Earth again. I believe she was the one that told me my mother was an angel up in Heaven.

For awhile I didn't believe in a God or a Goddess, and had serious doubts about whether there was life after death. For awhile I believed in past lives and that I would be coming back to this planet after I died. God let me know He was around, and I'd talk to Goddess in my head. For awhile I was very angry with God in particular because it seemed He let rape happen to me.... But it is very likely that if He had stopped it, it would've scared me more. I know faith is very precious to God/dess.

I give the Spirit a lot of credit (I'm rather fond of the Native American concept of a Great Spirit) for teaching me things. Spirit taught me how to live single, since I have never found a good man who wanted to be with me. Spirit taught me how to be patient. Spirit taught me how to love and show love to others. The Spirit put me in the right places to find treatment for my illnesses.

The Spirit is love (to me) -- I can't find any evidence that contradicts that concept. To love is the path to enlightenment. To love leads us to being curious about our fellow human beings -- leads us to trying to understand others. To love is the work of our lives. In today's entry it says that self love will replace self will. I love the fact that I am thoughtful -- even though thinking for myself was discouraged by the Lutherans I knew as a child. (Critical, logical thinking is very important. It is GOOD to not believe everything we hear and read.) I've always believed that God/dess gave us a busy brain for a reason. Blind faith in what other people say, is a bit foolish.... To love leads us to help others out. To love makes us better people.

This entry made me feel much better about myself. I sometimes wonder if I am too much of a slacker or lazy or something. It validated the path I took. I made many mistakes along the way, like believing that marijuana would help me find enlightenment -- which it did not. I plan to stay away from peyote too. I don't need to hallucinate any more at all. I know I am in close contact with the Spirit, and I can't think of anything more valuable.