Changes

"One of the most profound changes in our lives is in the realm of personal relationships."

Basic Text, Chapter 5 p. 55

If we are addicted or alcoholic and we get clean and sober, we will find that we are changing -- usually for the better. We need to make changes. We often have many defects of character that go along with the addictions.

Step seven is the one where we humbly ask God (or whomever/whatever our Higher Power is) to remove our shortcomings. In our inventory we were able to identify those defects. "The Seventh Step is an action step, and it is time to ask God for help and relief. We have to understand that our way of thinking is not the only way; other people can give us direction," Basic Text, chapter four, p 35. We really can feel better....

I know I asked God/dess for help with my irritability, my low tolerance to frustration, low self esteem, and my tendency toward petty theft. And I got help with those things. I find I am now a very patient person -- both with myself and others. Of course, a lot of my irritability came from my clinical depression, which is now being treated. And since anti-depressants work for me, it is unlikely that 20+ years of depression was situational. God/dess helped me get to a place where I could find proper treatment. I know that faith alone was not enough to treat the chemical imbalances in my brain.... I tried that for several years -- going on faith alone -- and it did not work.

In my relationships with others, one of the most profound changes is my ability to set up boundaries. Boundaries are very important. There are certain things that I will not tolerate. I won't tolerate abuse, racism, and sexual harassment. I also will not move on certain issues, especially when I am speaking facts. Some people don't appreciate others' boundaries, and I have to let those people go. I find that being honest about my boundaries, and willing to enforce them deters people that would take advantage of me. Don't get me wrong -- I am a nice person most of the time, but I can be a real b*tch if my rights are trampled upon. I am also learning about detachment, and I often have to detach from users of all kinds.....

I don't really have a relationship now with any active addicts and alcoholics. I laid down the boundary that I will not tolerate their glaringly obvious defects like lying, manipulation, and abusiveness. I don't put up with those things. To be honest, I lost most of my friendships and relationships while I was still using and mentally ill. But I've made it clear that the friendships are not going to be reinstated without them meeting me halfway. I don't want them killing themselves with drugs.

I recently had to let a friend go because he believes that rape is some form of sex and does not want me to talk about the subject. I was very honest with him, and he does not have the right to keep me from talking about something that happened so much in my past.

These people I know that are actively using gave me closure, and I took it.

If we are miserable, we must recognize the need for something to change in our own lives. We can't change others. All we can do for others who obviously need to change is make a suggestion. Then we "let go, and let God." If they are abusing us, using, and making us miserable, we need to recognize that we need to change something about our lives, and most likely ourselves. Often it is perception, which my higher power helps me with. I can get a different, more positive perspective if I only ask my higher power.

I am truly much better off today. I have food, shelter, and clothing. I don't necessarily feel loved by very many people, but I know God/dess and the Spirit love me. I feel good because I strive to be as loving as I can. That's a big change from the days when I didn't really trust anyone and felt oh so misunderstood. The fellowship has given me the understanding on the many levels I needed it on. Thank God/dess for helping me find recovery.....