We Do Recover

Recovery is wonderful. I get to say "Yes, I've been there and I know, now, it's no good." I get to feel good about myself. I have confidence in myself. I trust myself. I know I don't want to go back to scraping for survival like I was when I was using. I have the fellowship and a few new friends that don't use. They, too, have been there. Thus, I get support in my recovery. They know it doesn't work. I also get a wonderful new relationship with God and Goddess and the Spirit. Spirit is always there when I need it; Spirit is everywhere. I knew that when I was two, and I still believe it. I've never found any evidence to the contrary. Sometimes Spirit talks through others or animals or the clouds or whatever. God, Goddess and Spirit don't mind if I cling to them. It's a wonderful relationship -- one of give and take. Boy, is giving back ever important. It's important to me that I give back to Spirit. There is this marvelous sense of "rightness" to recovery and even doing the twelfth step. I get to be right about how important it is to find recovery.

I've found a sense of peace and emotional stability that I never had before.

It's hard to communicate the peace of mind I have to others, especially newcomers. It's hard to communicate to them that they need a higher power to quit. It's hard to communicate to newcomers that they will find that higher power if they do the steps.... It's hard to communicate that that higher power is one that is worth having a relationship. It's so common to blame God for everything that goes wrong. This is a common attitude towards God. It's common not to accept that God may not be perfect and therefore does not create perfect human beings, animals, and things. To accept that goes against the establishment. Our tendency to be different socially can work in our favor.... We aren't going to Hell if we challenge the establishment. That, in itself, may be hard for newcomers to face.

But facing ourselves and being different, spiritually, is less difficult then scraping by and merely surviving, fending off predatory types when we may be weaker then them. Its a dangerous world when one is actively using. People who use often get ripped off, raped, and shot. The media feeds our delusions that that is what life is really like. And, often, God and Goddess and Spirit take the blame for that reality.

Recovery is a different reality then that. A lot of people in the program really do care. There is real love in the program. That love is the lifeblood of recovery, imho.

We do get better. We do find ourselves. We do find out that we aren't that bad -- that we don't fit into the world of dealers, smugglers, and violence. If we put in as much effort as we did to appearing too "tough" to mess with, we will recover.

Recovery, though is a lifelong journey. It is not a destination. Perhaps we are never fully recovered until we pass on. We have to have a relationship with ourselves as well as a higher power to actually live. Life is so good, when those important relationships are good. For, even when it seems like nobody else loves us, the love of our higher power and of ourselves for ourselves will sustain us. I know it does, since I'm not the type who makes friends easily. I still feel good about myself and feel safe most of the time. I'm so happy I don't have to go back to survival mode, feeling crappy when I come down, or the manipulations and being used by users.

We do recover, if we are honest, open minded and willing to face ourselves and our higher power. I have six years of recovery and it just keeps getting better.