No Regrets

A long time ago, when I was about 17 or so, I decided I'd try to live a life without regrets. I'd have to say that I'm pretty successful at it. I try not to do anything I'd regret. Oh sure, I've done the wrong thing before out of ignorance, but I treat everything as a learning experience. I don't quite have no regrets, but I have very few.

In the Alcoholics Anonymous promises it says "We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it."

It seems to me that I had to figure out mostly everything on my own. I did not get advice from parental units.... They gave orders not suggestions. They made it clear that children were to be "seen and not heard." If I find myself regretting taking the wrong course of action, I remember that I didn't really have any good role models besides my teachers. And the good Lord knows I didn't want to be a high school or elementary school teacher. I'm not either of those things -- so I don't regret that I didn't become those things! I really didn't know what to do about several of the crises that happened in my life, and it's pointless to regret doing the wrong thing about them -- especially without good counsel from anyone but God/dess who I wasn't really in touch with at the time, any way.

My whole life has been one big learning experience. How could I regret that? God/dess forgave me the wrong choices I made, and I think that forgiveness is the best cure for regret. I'm still alive, too, and not dead -- so none of my choices yet, have killed me.

If I hadn't become addicted I wouldn't have found recovery. If I hadn't become addicted I still would have been wondering if the sexual misconduct of some of the men in my life could have been blamed on addiction. I now know that it can't be. There was no excuse for that behavior. I did not sexually abuse anyone while addicted or high. If I hadn't become addicted I would not have found the people who are clean, that I need in my life now. If I hadn't become addicted, I would have believed the so-called enlightened people that think drugs will help them become more spiritual or enlightened. If I hadn't found recovery I might've tried peyote or something, run out in front of a car and been run over.

I learn from my mistakes -- therefore I don't really regret them. And often things turn out for the best, really.

I think it's a good way to live -- not doing anything (saying anything) that one might regret later. I find that I am fairly lighthearted, and very forgiving because of it. I am happy! I don't have a lot of amends to make to people because of that. Don't get me wrong, there are some I had to, and have to, make -- most of them for retaliation of some kind or another. It is important to make amends for retaliation or revenge.

I find that action, even if it is wrong, in a crisis, can lead to the right people, places, and things. I know that when I was extremely psychotic and drunk and tried to burn down my father's house cause I though God told me to (as well as because of his total lack of concern and sexual abuse), I found that I got treatment for my psychosis, drug addiction, depression, etc. It was good treatment too. I also got a roof over my head and three meals a day. I had been homeless for three years prior to that. My whole family refuses to forgive me and wants nothing to do with me. They even took legal action to prevent me contacting them. At least now, their intolerance is visible to others -- so I'm not sure I really regret what I did. I did feel guilty for quite awhile, but that went away too.

I don't really regret being homeless either -- not that I had the prescence of mind to fix it. I saw a lot of the country and met a lot of neat people.

I usually choose positive action, but I don't always know what is the best direction to go in a crises.... I just know, learning from past mistakes, that there is nothing useful to be gained from the "deer in the headlights" reaction. I try to respond, rather then react. I learned that from past mistakes too.

No point in regretting valuable mistakes (as long as I learn from them!) Also, there's no point in regretting past patterns of behavior that might have been healthy if one is no longer repeating the bad behavior. That just leads to the "what ifs." I think it is important to take a look around our present reality and appreciate what we do have now. And I have a lot! There's no point in beating myself up over the past when I have so much wonderful stuff in my life today!

It's also good to try right action -- a good preventative measure against future regrets. They say that if you have "one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you're pissing all over today." That means one has to be present in the now to avoid regret. I know lots of people who's lives revolve around regret and they are not happy. That is why I decided to live my life without them at 17.

Works for me!