Confidence

Self confidence is a nice perk of recovery, especially a recovery program that is worked well.... It also provides good ammunition against ever using again. It is unlikely we will want to do things that make us feel bad about ourselves if we feel good about ourselves now.

I am a pretty confident person right now. I have come a long way from the beaten young adult I was. I used to have no confidence whatsoever, and a really low self esteem. People in my immediate family would tell me I couldn't do anything right, and I used to believe them.

I used to confuse confidence with conceit. I've since learned that self confidence and conceit are not the same thing at all. Self confidence is a good self esteem and people who are conceited usually don't have a very good self esteem.

I think something that is essential to having self confidence is risk taking. Not necessarily biting off more then one can chew though. Taking risks is about being willing to love and have relationships (of many different kinds) even if one has been hurt before. I do get afraid to take risks, but I have the courage to take them anyway. I stand up for kids who are being abused or people who are being attacked by racism. I stand up for the underdog quite often, especially if I think it will help. Often, in public, the bad behavior will stop if I say something.

For years I've been working on the whole idea of not worrying about what others think. I can't control that. People have the right to think what they want. Today, what others think doesn't bother me. Oh sure, I get curious what people think about, but I am not worried about what they think of me....

I used to seek to improve my pathetic self esteem through men a lot. This did not help. I often ended up in abusive "relationships." They never told me what I needed to hear. Some of them just used me for sex. Most of them used me to abuse me. I thought, for many years, that if I had a boyfriend I was a worthy person, and that if I didn't I wasn't worthy. I wanted a white pickett fence and 2.5 kids and a husband who could fix all the stuff wrong without me having to communicate it. I wanted all my feelings validated. I never found this person (big surprise, huh?)

Nowadays I want to help others. I want to help others recover. I want to help others get out of abusive relationships. I want to help others feel better about themselves (which does require some work!) I want to make my world a better place for me and all those I love.

I know that negative self talk does not help. Beating oneself up is a poor substitute for true humility. Humility comes from finding out just how limited our power is to help others.... Beating oneself up is blaming the self for things that probably aren't even close to our fault. There is no point to beating oneself up. We have to be able to take care of ourselves if we want self confidence.

Service to others is essential to self confidence I think. There are lots of opportunities for service in recovery! I just prefer to serve those who need it most. I'd rather serve the underdog who doesn't have a lot to give then the bully who has a lot to give (but never gives anything.)

I try to see myself through God/dess' eyes. It keeps me from worrying too much. It keeps me from being too negative. It keeps me forgiving others and myself. It allows me to have real humility. If it wasn't for the love of the Spirit, I would be nowhere right now....

No substance can give us true self confidence. I'm quite sure I can handle most anything that comes my way. I know I'll figure out the answers I need. I'm sure I can take care of me, and I need no man to do it for me these days! I'm confident I'm not going to let anything damage my serenity. Today, I trust myself!