Sanity

Step 2: "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

There are many definitions of insanity. When I was using I pretty much fit all of them. I was definitely in my own world and did not want anything to do with the outside world. I did not even want to hear about it.

Sanity is priceless. We can't cope with reality without it. Sanity is swimming when the water gets too deep, getting out of the pond when it's too cold, and it is knowing when one should come in out of the rain.

Insanity can lead to using and using definitely leads to insanity....

Like a hamster trapped in a cage, its a vicious cycle, a hamster wheel. We spin our wheels and go nowhere when we use. Others can see that the cage is our own creation.... We are the hamster and the keeper. Nothing changes if nothing changes.... We barely manage to feed ourselves, much less go anywhere in life. And we aren't very kind masters of our own fate.

I think a hallmark of insanity is an inability to cope with fear. We end up ruled by the emotions we try to suppress. We give in to it, because we don't have the strength to cope with it effectively. Drugs and alcohol sap our strength away. Dealing with emotions is like driving a boat. If the driver of the boat is impaired, where will we end up? Capsized? Will we drown? Will we end up where we set out to go? We can pilot the boat effectively if we are not impaired. If we are heading out into dangerous stormy waters, we can eventually turn the boat away from that (if unimpaired).

I know lots about insanity, and I can't put all of it in words. I have paranoid schizophrenia, clinical depression, PTSD, and chemical dependency. I know that sometimes sanity requires medication. Our doctors and such are our navigators. They may not always be right, but one cannot handle a storm tossed ship alone. That is why I say that insanity often leads to using..... Chemical imbalances in the brain are just like drugs, and they aren't fun drugs. Those imbalances need treatment. Life is impossible to deal with if our lenses are clouded with fear, hallucinations, and sorrow constantly.

I know now that sanity is not overrated. It's almost impossible to have real fun while insane! I'm having more fun now then I ever did before I found recovery. I am not prey to the whims of paranoia, depression and PTSD any longer. My self esteem has improved vastly, and I have not had anything traumatic happen to me in at least six years. It is because I can appreciate the little miracles, all the life around me, and the good times without my emotional imbalances and skewed perceptions getting in my way. I know how to stay out of my own way, today. That, I believe is very important to being clean and sober.

We have to turn it over to our higher power to find sanity. Our higher power puts teachers in our lives. Respect is a key ingredient to sanity, I believe. Respect of the self and others. Respect for the competence of honest authority figures and "teachers." No man (or woman) is an island. Take it from someone (like me) who knows exactly what insanity is! Insanity is a very isolating condition, and there is a way out. There is a higher power for all of us and it is always there if we only LISTEN......