On Sharing

It took at least one whole year, perhaps two years for me to start sharing in meetings. I was definitely not comfortable with the idea. I wasn't sure what of my experience was relevant. I wasn't sure if I would corrupt someone with my cravings. I wasn't sure how to say what I knew about the Spirit and my experience with that which is higher. When I started going to meetings nothing I knew was crystallized enough in my mind to share it. I felt really different -- marijuana doesn't cause scary physical withdrawal that I know of. Heck, I wasn't even sure for the first year or so of meetings that I was an addict! Quite frankly, all I really wanted to do was listen. I really wanted to know if I was really an addict. I wanted to know what others had been through. I wanted to know the politically correct way to say stuff. I wanted to listen! I'm not always politically correct, but one should know the correct way to break the rules of political correctness!

As far as strength and hope goes, I didn't have much of that to pass around when I first started. I had learned a long time ago that being negative really accomplished nothing. At least, I didn't see my strength, and when I was in treatment -- I saw little hope for me. I was quite determined that I could go out and drink socially when I got out. I really did not see how that could lead to worse problems....

It was shortly after I did my 12 steps that I began to feel like I had something to share....

There is stuff I know about God and Goddess that nobody else knows. That too was something I was listening for too. I wanted to hear from God! I wanted to learn something new about the Spirit from others in the program. I did learn new stuff. I get new perspectives on how God and Goddess might think and feel about various things from others.

Nobody told me to sit down and shut up early in recovery. I guess it's quite common to do that to new people. Nobody had to. I can see the rationale there.... I can see why nobody wants to hear the negativity or be reminded of cravings, or to jones from the glorifying of drugs and alcohol that newcomers are capable of.

But, there is a time to speak up and say something. There is a time to share what is on our minds, preferably relating to the topic of the meetings and/or more pressing matters. We need the vulnerability. We need to air our errors so they can be corrected. We need to teach what we know. I know that mistakes made by people who have hundreds of years clean and sober make me feel relieved that I will never have to be perfect to keep the fellowship. I have made real friends in this program because I am an awesome listener and because of what I have shared in and out of the rooms.

I love the friends I've made in this program. It's about time I had clean and sober friends that actually care about God and/or Goddess! I have people that accept that plain old spirituality is a valid path to Spirit too. The people in my life are not religiously judgmental -- they let me have my weird hodgepodge of beliefs. I've also found it safe to share -- not one person has approached me after a meeting and criticized me for what I've shared.

Isn't this fellowship and program awesome?