Step Twelve

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

Step twelve is about service -- loving and active service. It, too, is a maintenance step. Bill W. found carrying the message essential to his sobriety, and it is a formula that works very well for all of us. We need our newcomers. Not only because they remind us where we came from and where we never want to go again, but also because they offer new ideas and fresh perspectives.

The steps are the H.O.W. of our program. The principles are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness (among other good ones.) This step, especially, is how we stay sober.

My higher power is "the kind of love that has no price tag on it," p 106, 12x12. That is everywhere. To me, if I am showing that kind of love that has no expectation either of reward or return, I am doing my God/dess' will. My spiritual awakening had more to do with doing step 11 (which was the step I did fourth) then it did with all the steps. Step twelve was essentially my step five. It also had to do with doing step 11 while I was locked up and sobriety was forced upon me. To me, that just proves that we don't need to earn God's love. It's unconditional. My spiritual awakening took place when I was given a bookmark that said "God is love," in jail. I haven't really gone wrong since I thought about that and agreed with it! Much of the literature, meditations and other people talk about love. My higher power works through other people! I learn from mostly everyone! In my humble opinion long term sobriety will lead us to some kind of spiritual awakening if we really want one even if we haven't done the work of the steps. Not that I'm putting down the steps -- I'm not. The steps are very helpful, and I really think we need them to develop those principles that make even longer term sobriety possible.

Love is alive! This spiritual awakening gave me purpose -- to love others. It's much harder to love people from a distance (like when one is dead!) "He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered," p 107, 12x12. How is it possible to master love? Nobody is a greater lover then anyone else. Love, if we believe in it isn't that hard to endure either. Its the lack of love that hurts so much more then loving itself! If God/dess were really love and love were really alive, God/dess would make sure we moved on when we died, instead of there just being an end to consciousness. We don't like losing people we love... Why would God/dess' (who is love, imho) be any different?

Now love is not obsession, possessiveness, and manipulation. I don't do those things to newcomers. Alanon talks a great deal about detachment. I find it saves my sanity and resources if I don't get too attached to newcomers and/or the outcome of the message. H.O.W. applies to loving, too. Let's not forget the golden rule either: "Do unto others as you'd have done to you." We want people to be honest with us, although we do appreciate tact. Being open minded is very valuable when working with newcomers. We aren't going to create little clones of ourselves. You cannot put a square peg in a round hole! Diversity is a good thing! We want our beliefs respected, and must treat others the same way! We might actually learn something valuable from them, then. A willingness to help newcomers is important too. I'm not perfect, I'm not always willing to cut through all the BS with newcomers, and I'm not always willing to argue with them as seems to happen often with newcomers. However, a lot of the time I am willing. I believe in picking my battles, and saving a life is a good reason to pick the battle for me quite often.

"...by the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether his brother has yet received anything or not," p 109, 12x12. I don't know about anyone else, but I teach by learning and learn by teaching. I have received many rewards from working with newcomers including increased patience, better people skills, and gratitude for where I am at. I remain a student of life. Life is a journey not a destination. I think that makes me a better teacher and/or messenger. Another side effect of giving is happiness. I'm happy because I feel well. I'm happy that there is no end to this!

I have a special message for newcomers who are also survivors of abuse! There is no excuse to use -- not even rape or torture. It will not help.... For many of us the core of the matter is either get better or die! It is not fair for other survivors to die because they were attacked. Shame is useless and puts up barriers. There is no real shame in surviving attacks!

"When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence on His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would," p 116, 12x12. I need my Goddess too. I did not trust a masculine image of God after being attacked so much. She was there for me when I could not trust a God. In recovery, it is perfectly OK to have our own concepts of Spirit. In recovery I find that I can believe in Goddess and still have recovery! I can have the fellowship. I find that "these were the new attitudes that finally brought many of us an inner strength and peace that could not be deeply shaken by the shortcomings of others or by any calamity not of our own making," p 116, 12x12. I can vouch for that. We need that kind of faith to work with newcomers. The steps will give us the faith we need to do that. "Two-stepping" will not.

I need my faith, because I seem to be one of the "many AA members who, for a variety of reasons, cannot have a family life," p120, 12x12. I devote my time to this blog, to helping others and to friends. Many men cannot tolerate a woman who loves most other people at least as much as she loves him.... People can be so demanding that their partner only love them.... "Free of marital responsibilities, they can participate in enterprises which would be denied to family men and women," p 120, 12x12. Friendship, for one, is my number one priority. I'm not the kind of person who ditches all friends when I get in a relationship. I have other family members who aren't part of my reality for the most part -- including children who are adopted out and parents who have taken out a no contact order against me. My brothers have judged me unworthy I guess.... They won't, however, have anything to do with recovery -- either AA/NA or Alanon. I think I have been through at least a little bit of everything, and this gives me the ability to relate to so many people. I do have something to offer in service to others in recovery. A lot to offer, and I try to offer it to any takers. I do remember that this is a program of attraction rather then promotion, and I incorporate that tradition into my service.

Talk about turning the tables on my detractors! I did it with God's great help!

Step Twelve tells us it is possible for anyone to do this with just a little work!