The Message

Step twelve talks about carrying the message to the addict who still suffers. “Our message is hope and the promise of freedom. When it is said and done, our primary purpose can only be to carry the message to the addict who still suffers because that is all we have to give.”

This to me is about love. My higher power is love, as I have stated before, and to stop using drugs is an act of unconditional self-love. It is also an act of unconditional love of others. My higher power has shown me unconditional love, and I love it. My message is an attempt to show unconditional love for myself and others. I do my best to display and embody it to everyone. Of course, my attention and patience is limited. I am not a doormat, nor do I pursue people and sponsees in an attempt to “give to” them, when it is clear that my message is not being received. Nor, do I waste my time trying to get people to love me back. Of course, I spend more time with those who seem to love me back, but I can and do care about everyone I meet in this program.

I am a people, too. I don’t believe I have to sacrifice myself in order to reach those who just don’t seem to “get it.” All I can really do to carry the message to those who are still suffering from addiction is to live and thrive. It’s been said, the best revenge is to live well. This I can do. I live my life with passion and creativity. I live my life to the fullest. I often have a great time doing it, too. I don’t need those chemical “enhancements” to have a good time, or feel good. I especially cannot feel good about who I am if I am doing things to destroy myself.

The only way to get better is to recover.

Oh yeah, freedom; freedom is wonderful. I love it. Funny how since I have started recovery and perhaps, since I am no longer homeless, the police have left me alone entirely. I don’t tolerate people that try to take freedom away from me. I don’t put up with people who want to control and censor me. I don’t feel like I need to be with someone any longer in order to get drugs, money, shelter or rides places. I have taken my responsibility that comes with true freedom. I wouldn’t want anything other then freedom in my life, to live the way I wish to live, and be happy doing so.

I think that many people are frightened of the real responsibilities that go hand in hand with being truly free. They pay lip service to the ideal of freedom, however they take no responsibility. They are living in fear, for real. There is no freedom living a life filled with fear. Most drugs have the unpleasant side effect of paranoia. It’s really hard to perceive, feel, and live a life of freedom when one is paranoid. People who still suffer often think that they are free, but truly are not.

All I can do really, as it says in the intro, is to carry the message by living the message. I have hope and my freedom. It’s easy for people who don’t want to hear it to point out the flaws of my life and say they don’t want what I have, because I have mental disabilities that interfere with having the 9-5 job that represents “responsibility” in most people’s eyes. I also do not have a car. But that is symptomatic of the materialistic slavery that people perceive as being responsible. I cannot prove to people that do not want to see that I am happy, and otherwise healthy. I have enough money to get by on, but then again, money and material things do not create happiness.

Being clean and sober does not give people mental illnesses that interfere with the 9-5 lifestyle. There is more to me then that…. However there are many around me in recovery that have the material things and the 9-5 job. I am here to show others that happiness, freedom and feeling good about yourself is possible even without the trappings of material success…..

I am working on that, but I would not trade my self confidence, values and serenity for any material things. I have love in my life today. I feel it around me. I give it to those around me. I suspect that many don’t appreciate me till I am gone, however I can always find more love. My HP loves me all the time, no matter what. I love it! I can always find my HP no matter where I am or what I am doing. My HP was there before, during and after my active addiction. That is wonderful to me, and my HP wants me to be free and happy.

I have hope that I am carrying the message to at least a few people that need to hear it. That, indeed is all I can give to them. That is the best I can hope for, really….